AMF

last night, i could'nt help but think of you.. i wanted to ask you to go home instead of being with other people.I know that Im so selfish,that I just want you to be with me ONLY and not with anyone else. When I woke up early this morning, I looked at you, and ask ny self if what I feel for you is really true or am i just wanting someone but i cant and ur the only one who'se there.but hell!! I so damn well know that this cant be.You're a very good friend to me and I know that your not into same sex relationship, but so am I...but hell i still like you..AND IM TRYING HARD TO FIGHT IT!!!

Sometimes I wished that you'd just go away.

I wanted to stop this craziness. This is the most effin shit I've ever experienced. Its ruining me and I know this is not good for me as it kills me..It makes me weak day by day, it keeps me from dreaming more,coz all i ever wanted is to be with you and hell,even if i know this aint good, the feeling is just so strong that i cant fight it.

I have to do something before this gets worst.

Darn!!!! I hate myself. I wanted to run away, far far away from you,but I know if I do I'd rather wish that I died.

I was never like this, I thought im just so attach coz ur a new friend and we compliment eah other on a lot of things and we enjoy stuffs together, but day after day, im liking you more...like i cat get enough of you,that looking at you makes me weaker, holding you makes me ask for more...

GOTTA MOVE!!!

effin me!!!!

dont know direction to take right now..uts gonna be the start of classes in a few weeks time and I havent really decided yet whether to go back into teaching or just stay on this effin online travel agency thing!!!!

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?????????????????


ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

PMS 101

I've been experiencing PMS every last week of the month,and hell I hate it badly!!!
Im hating the people around me, im annoyed right away!!!
And even to this girl that I like,well, hoping this wont last coz i really dont like this feeling!!
Ive been hating people around her, even the one who just speaks to her that I feel have a crush on her..urrgghhh...Im like a kid.And i hate feelin like a kid!!!
So I firgured to look for treatments regarding PMS and below is the article I got....

PMS and Mood Swings

Almost all menstruating women experience physiological and psychological changes with their approaching periods. PMS and mood swings go hand in hand and can be termed as the worst days in a menstruating woman's life. **SO TRUE!!!!**

Symptoms of PMS and Mood Swings: (Ive rated the symptoms which I experience most of the time..actually,right at this moment)

1. Feeling of anger
2. Oversensitivity to minor issues
3. Depression for no apparent reason
4. Anxiety
5. Becoming clumsy or having butter fingers
6. Feeling of crying
7. Exaggerated mood swings
8. Tension
9. Changes in sexual desires
Loss of attention
Confusion
Forgetfulness
Difficulty to concentrate

There are a few common physical symptoms associated with PMS like
Breast tenderness
Bloating
Swelling in arms and legs
Migraines
Back pain
Temporary insomnia
Energy level changes
Nausea
Acne
Weight gain
Change of appetite and craving for certain foods


Treatment for PMS and Mood Swings
PMS and mood swings can be treated by various methods, with medical help. It is seen that not all medical approaches are useful to all women. Women can follow a healthy lifestyle that will help manage PMS and mood swings like:
Regular exercises
Avoiding salty food before menstruation
Reduction in caffeine intake
Stop smoking and avoid alcohol
Reducing the intake of refined sugars
Increase calcium and magnesium intake in diet
Drinking chamomile tea.
Natural estrogen replacement herbal remedies to help restore the hormonal balance
Yoga is the best way to relax and calm the feelings of anxiety and depression. It also helps restore the hormonal balance.

So, I figured, could I surpass every 4th week of the month until the end of my life?
OOHH.. I feel like a crap shit!!!!

Could one really fall in love with same sex,even if she's a 100% straight?

Im being overwhelmed with this feeling.
Im afraid that i might really fall.
She was always there for me when i was moving on from my "IM SO 2006 RELATIONSHIP-TIL 2010 CANT MOVE ON" times..
We shared lots of things together - stories, laughthers, tears,sentiments....and a lot of things..
For now, i really cant ask for more,she being there makes it all up...
Am i really falling?or am i just so fond of her and thankful that she's here?

Well,i actually had lots of girl bestfriends already but none like this, i didnt felt this way before towards a girl friend.
She always makes me laugh, even though her jokes are so corny..
Sometime at night, i really wanna hug her..and just be there..
DARN!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!

Sleeping Beauty

The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty

This is one hefy book... Well, some of my friends who tried reading the book,says its too sexual and is over rated...but hell when i did read the book i cant get myself to turn it down... I read this not because of the sexual activities happening in there, but the venture Beauty had, and it actually tells more than what you read itself, theres more when you try to read between the lines. Here's the plot summary so you could have an idea.

Plot summary:

Beauty is awakened from her hundred-year sleep by the Prince, not with a simple kiss, but with a deflowering, initiating her into a Satyricon-like world of sexual adventures. After stripping her naked he takes her to his kingdom, ruled by his mother, the Queen, where Beauty is trained as a slave and a plaything. The rest of the naked slaves, dozens of them, in the Queen's palace are princes and princesses sent by their royal parents from the surrounding kingdoms as tributes. In this palace they spend several years learning to become obedient and submissive sexual property, accepting being spanked, being publicly displayed, crawling around on their hands and knees, servicing their masters and mistresses, until they return to their own lands "being enhanced in wisdom".



In the palace Beauty meets another slave, Prince Alexi, with whom she copulates passionately. After that he tells her the long adventurous journey he had in the palace. Alexi previously had been a stubborn prince who fought back all the attempts to break him, until the Queen sent him to the kitchen to get him tortured by crude kitchen servants. The punishment Alexi received there was so savage and merciless he began to lose his senses and, after some particularly humiliating training at the hands of a strong stable boy, Alexi became a totally surrendered slave, playing various sexual games at the Queen's commands.

The moral of Alexi's story notwithstanding, Beauty fails to become an obedient plaything, and the book closes with her being sentenced to brutal slavery in the neighboring village along with other failed slaves.



But thats not all, there are two more books of this: Beauty's Punishment and Beauty's Release which im looking forward to read.

HAPPY

Im glad that these past few days, i dont get to think of him!!!

SO proud!!!!

Been happier these past few days, gotta bond with my bestfriend,whom i havent talked for quiet awhile now, everything just seems to be doing well in my life these days...

Hope it would get even better...

BACK TO ZERO?

Such a stupid girl.... i went home to my moms place last week coz my niece is graduating from prep-school, i dont wanna miss that part of life of my fave niece... well anyways, of all the kids, my niece's classmate is my ex's niece also...




And there's the rush again...





Though id shoot him an SMS and just say "hey,ur niece and my niece are classmates,isnt that fun?and hell,they are friends...great!!"... I struggled with it for quite awhile, but i had a relapse!!! I AM A LOSER!!!!! i reall cant belive that i did sent him an SMS, so he asks if i could go online coz he wants to ask my opinion about the car he's plannning to buy, he said im the only he thinks who could give him a reliable answer coz i have good taste for cars...So, I did...we did talked about cars, about just anything and he let me hear a song about two lovers drifting apart and having their own lives but still feel the connection...arrghhh, well obviously, he wants to tell me what he feels through that song...






And as soon as our conversation ended, I FELT LIKE IM SUCH A LOSER!!!! feels like im back to zero....

And on that day, i decided to go back to the city and just move on...

But i felt like i cheated my self...





Darn, its really hard to resist him...

WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH

I've been pondering on a lot of things these past few days.. Im so glad there are people,who may not know me personally, who gives advises and supports me... You guys know who you are, I dont know how to thank you..

Blogging is the greatest tool i have at this point of time, to slowly get over him. I have posted a discussion on the coffee shop entitled "HOW TO GET OVER", at first, i didnt thought that it would help me,but guess what, i had a transformation. Little by little, i am coming to the realization of totally getting over him and how stupid i am for still seeing him. So far, in my 23 years of living on this planet called earth, this is the greatest challenge i ever had.. And im so proud to say, that im stronger than ever.

It took me quite awhile to recover from these, but everyone have the chance to change, we may not be able to correct what happened in the past, but we learn not to make the same mistake. And i really hope that i could surpass this. I cant promise anything for now, but il do my best to resist him.

One more person who helped me get through this is my dear friend/roommate/officemate, who was there for me all this time. Well,she actually dont know about this blog,hehehe.... She was really nice to me.. One of the best friend i ever had. Cant thank her enough. She makes me look forward in everyday of my life..At this time, she's the best thing that ever happened in my life...

And oh,the guy that im dating now, i finally broken up with him,cant fool my self and i also dont want to fool him and hurt him.

HAPPIER

I think im getting over him...little by little with the help of my friend,actually she is the best friend i have these days...She cheers me up,makes me happy, makes me look forward ito the coming days...i really love this girl... cant thank her enough for helping me out with the messes of my life...

BEACH

weekend...and wanna take the day off out of work and just relax...enjoy the beach..sun...and just relax....

is off in about 3hrs to go one the beach resorts near the city...

cant wait...so excited..

STALKER

darn,im checkin out right now his wife's profile on facebook...Cant belive his wife invited me to add as her friend on facebook....


And im kinda upset seeing them together...urrggghhhh....but i have to move on....

RANDOM THOUGHTS

while reading,making comments and making discussions on The Coffee Shop, i came to think of how people,like us,could get time to do blogs...

Do we do it coz we're bored?
or just to kill time?

Do we do it coz we're all frustrated writers?(but isnt really qualified to be one..LOL)

Do we do it coz its our way of expressing our self in writing?



We may have different reasons why we do this..But no matter how diverse our reasons our for doing blogs, whats important is we could have an output where we could pour out our frustrations,ideas,feelings..etc...

We each come up with ideas,it may not be an acceptable to ones opinion and we may not agree to each ones opinion,but hearing out ones opinion helps you as individual and makes u realize that no man is an island.

VENTS

After shopping with my friend/flatmate, on our way home earlier this day while on a cab, I suddenly felt that my life is going nowhere.. Though I enjoy my life right now..can go wherever i want, can do whatever i think of doing....i just dont know what is missing in my life right now...Im trying to get over with my first love,but i know he has nothing to do with this right now.. And my job,damn, i kind of like it but i think i need a break...its really so hard to take a vacation and off for work here...

crap!!!

DUNNO!!!!

wanna get away,far far away......

AMF!!!!!

RANDOM THOUGHTS

wanna go back to our province so i could spend some time and catch up with old friends...i love hte feeling of going back to ur old life where everything seems to go well...u could do everything, spend ur time with nothing... be a happy lucky person...i guess im just tired with my life right now... i need a new job...new life.... new love life i guess... Well, isa lng nmn puno't dulo neto eh...si Felix.. hahahaha... papangalanan na...well neweiys he wont know anything about this blog....

SERIES

so addicted with THE OC series...
nvr thought id like that old series...hehehehe...

POURING MY HEART OUT vol.1

i feel like i've been wasting my time waiting for him, the fact that i am fully aware that whatever i do, whenever i go, how hard i pray...We will never be together again.. I had the chance to be with him for the last time,though i know its wrong,and that chance made me realize that after all these years, im still not over him. Im really so 2006!!!...I dont want to...but its hard...so EFFIN hard...

God knows how I've been praying to get over him...
How i'd wish I could be with someone and totally not think that he was him...