AMF

last night, i could'nt help but think of you.. i wanted to ask you to go home instead of being with other people.I know that Im so selfish,that I just want you to be with me ONLY and not with anyone else. When I woke up early this morning, I looked at you, and ask ny self if what I feel for you is really true or am i just wanting someone but i cant and ur the only one who'se there.but hell!! I so damn well know that this cant be.You're a very good friend to me and I know that your not into same sex relationship, but so am I...but hell i still like you..AND IM TRYING HARD TO FIGHT IT!!!

Sometimes I wished that you'd just go away.

I wanted to stop this craziness. This is the most effin shit I've ever experienced. Its ruining me and I know this is not good for me as it kills me..It makes me weak day by day, it keeps me from dreaming more,coz all i ever wanted is to be with you and hell,even if i know this aint good, the feeling is just so strong that i cant fight it.

I have to do something before this gets worst.

Darn!!!! I hate myself. I wanted to run away, far far away from you,but I know if I do I'd rather wish that I died.

I was never like this, I thought im just so attach coz ur a new friend and we compliment eah other on a lot of things and we enjoy stuffs together, but day after day, im liking you more...like i cat get enough of you,that looking at you makes me weaker, holding you makes me ask for more...

GOTTA MOVE!!!

effin me!!!!

dont know direction to take right now..uts gonna be the start of classes in a few weeks time and I havent really decided yet whether to go back into teaching or just stay on this effin online travel agency thing!!!!

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?

WHAT TO DO?????????????????


ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

PMS 101

I've been experiencing PMS every last week of the month,and hell I hate it badly!!!
Im hating the people around me, im annoyed right away!!!
And even to this girl that I like,well, hoping this wont last coz i really dont like this feeling!!
Ive been hating people around her, even the one who just speaks to her that I feel have a crush on her..urrgghhh...Im like a kid.And i hate feelin like a kid!!!
So I firgured to look for treatments regarding PMS and below is the article I got....

PMS and Mood Swings

Almost all menstruating women experience physiological and psychological changes with their approaching periods. PMS and mood swings go hand in hand and can be termed as the worst days in a menstruating woman's life. **SO TRUE!!!!**

Symptoms of PMS and Mood Swings: (Ive rated the symptoms which I experience most of the time..actually,right at this moment)

1. Feeling of anger
2. Oversensitivity to minor issues
3. Depression for no apparent reason
4. Anxiety
5. Becoming clumsy or having butter fingers
6. Feeling of crying
7. Exaggerated mood swings
8. Tension
9. Changes in sexual desires
Loss of attention
Confusion
Forgetfulness
Difficulty to concentrate

There are a few common physical symptoms associated with PMS like
Breast tenderness
Bloating
Swelling in arms and legs
Migraines
Back pain
Temporary insomnia
Energy level changes
Nausea
Acne
Weight gain
Change of appetite and craving for certain foods


Treatment for PMS and Mood Swings
PMS and mood swings can be treated by various methods, with medical help. It is seen that not all medical approaches are useful to all women. Women can follow a healthy lifestyle that will help manage PMS and mood swings like:
Regular exercises
Avoiding salty food before menstruation
Reduction in caffeine intake
Stop smoking and avoid alcohol
Reducing the intake of refined sugars
Increase calcium and magnesium intake in diet
Drinking chamomile tea.
Natural estrogen replacement herbal remedies to help restore the hormonal balance
Yoga is the best way to relax and calm the feelings of anxiety and depression. It also helps restore the hormonal balance.

So, I figured, could I surpass every 4th week of the month until the end of my life?
OOHH.. I feel like a crap shit!!!!

Could one really fall in love with same sex,even if she's a 100% straight?

Im being overwhelmed with this feeling.
Im afraid that i might really fall.
She was always there for me when i was moving on from my "IM SO 2006 RELATIONSHIP-TIL 2010 CANT MOVE ON" times..
We shared lots of things together - stories, laughthers, tears,sentiments....and a lot of things..
For now, i really cant ask for more,she being there makes it all up...
Am i really falling?or am i just so fond of her and thankful that she's here?

Well,i actually had lots of girl bestfriends already but none like this, i didnt felt this way before towards a girl friend.
She always makes me laugh, even though her jokes are so corny..
Sometime at night, i really wanna hug her..and just be there..
DARN!!!!NO!!!!!!!!!

Sleeping Beauty

The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty

This is one hefy book... Well, some of my friends who tried reading the book,says its too sexual and is over rated...but hell when i did read the book i cant get myself to turn it down... I read this not because of the sexual activities happening in there, but the venture Beauty had, and it actually tells more than what you read itself, theres more when you try to read between the lines. Here's the plot summary so you could have an idea.

Plot summary:

Beauty is awakened from her hundred-year sleep by the Prince, not with a simple kiss, but with a deflowering, initiating her into a Satyricon-like world of sexual adventures. After stripping her naked he takes her to his kingdom, ruled by his mother, the Queen, where Beauty is trained as a slave and a plaything. The rest of the naked slaves, dozens of them, in the Queen's palace are princes and princesses sent by their royal parents from the surrounding kingdoms as tributes. In this palace they spend several years learning to become obedient and submissive sexual property, accepting being spanked, being publicly displayed, crawling around on their hands and knees, servicing their masters and mistresses, until they return to their own lands "being enhanced in wisdom".



In the palace Beauty meets another slave, Prince Alexi, with whom she copulates passionately. After that he tells her the long adventurous journey he had in the palace. Alexi previously had been a stubborn prince who fought back all the attempts to break him, until the Queen sent him to the kitchen to get him tortured by crude kitchen servants. The punishment Alexi received there was so savage and merciless he began to lose his senses and, after some particularly humiliating training at the hands of a strong stable boy, Alexi became a totally surrendered slave, playing various sexual games at the Queen's commands.

The moral of Alexi's story notwithstanding, Beauty fails to become an obedient plaything, and the book closes with her being sentenced to brutal slavery in the neighboring village along with other failed slaves.



But thats not all, there are two more books of this: Beauty's Punishment and Beauty's Release which im looking forward to read.

HAPPY

Im glad that these past few days, i dont get to think of him!!!

SO proud!!!!

Been happier these past few days, gotta bond with my bestfriend,whom i havent talked for quiet awhile now, everything just seems to be doing well in my life these days...

Hope it would get even better...

BACK TO ZERO?

Such a stupid girl.... i went home to my moms place last week coz my niece is graduating from prep-school, i dont wanna miss that part of life of my fave niece... well anyways, of all the kids, my niece's classmate is my ex's niece also...




And there's the rush again...





Though id shoot him an SMS and just say "hey,ur niece and my niece are classmates,isnt that fun?and hell,they are friends...great!!"... I struggled with it for quite awhile, but i had a relapse!!! I AM A LOSER!!!!! i reall cant belive that i did sent him an SMS, so he asks if i could go online coz he wants to ask my opinion about the car he's plannning to buy, he said im the only he thinks who could give him a reliable answer coz i have good taste for cars...So, I did...we did talked about cars, about just anything and he let me hear a song about two lovers drifting apart and having their own lives but still feel the connection...arrghhh, well obviously, he wants to tell me what he feels through that song...






And as soon as our conversation ended, I FELT LIKE IM SUCH A LOSER!!!! feels like im back to zero....

And on that day, i decided to go back to the city and just move on...

But i felt like i cheated my self...





Darn, its really hard to resist him...